Raising a Kid Who Can

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Reviews

What the Experts are Saying

Exactly the road map parents need to navigate the challenges of parenting in the modern era.

Eli R. Lebowitz, PhD

Director, Program for Anxiety Disorders,Yale School of Medicine Child Study Center, and author of Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD

A must-read for parents who are trying to prepare their children to thrive in a world that’s changing at breathtaking speed.

William Stixrud, PhD

Neuropsychologist and coauthor of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?

This book is the book I’ve been waiting for...an incredibly valuable resource for parents and mental health professionals.

Alix Spiegel

Co-creator of Invisibilia, producer of This American Life, and former science reporter for NPR

I used to say there weren’t any manuals for how to parent—until now. An entertaining and evidence-based guide to parenting in today’s fast-paced, increasingly tech-saturated, mind-bogglingly complex, and busy wilderness.

Lisa Coyne, PhD

Assistant professor of psychology, Harvard Medical School,
and CEO, New England Center for OCD and Anxiety

Crafted by caring, charismatic coaches, it is a must-have! The book is REALLY good. I am sure it will be cited for decades to come.

Alan J. Zametkin, MD

Academic researcher specializing in
child and adolescent psychiatry at National Institute of Mental Health (retired) and private practice (current)

Rooted in the neuroscience and practical wisdom that shows us what truly matters for kids—balance, connection, compassion, resilience. It’s a truly great addition to the world of parenting books.

Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD

Coauthor of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, and author of The Bottom Line for Baby

Conveys the critical topics of struggle and resilience in a genuinely accessible language. This book is a true golden nugget, and I wish every parent could read it.

Maria Svernell, PhD

Clinical psychologist,
Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families

Distills the best science, developmental principles, and therapeutic technique into a readable and relatable guidebook.

Lois W. Choi-Kain, MD

Director, Gunderson Personality Disorders Institute, assistant professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

Empathic, encouraging, and accessible . . . [this book] provides a broader framework for equipping our children with the tools they need to thrive.

Matthew Biel, MD

Professor and chief of child and
adolescent psychiatry, Georgetown University Medical Center

Everything about this book speaks to any parent looking for sound, easy-to-read, science-based advice for raising emotionally healthy and resilient children.

Michael Houston, MD

Clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science, George Washington University Medical Center

Wow! Grounded in the latest science and chock-full of practices that REALLY work, here is a book parents can turn to, again and again, whether their children are tots, teen, or young adults.

Ned Johnson

Coauthor of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?

Compassionate, clear, knowledgeable, and easily accessible, this book . . . offers a real-life perspective on how to not only cope but also thrive as a family.

Holly Dwyer Hall, DPsych

Child and adolescent psychotherapist,
Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families

This book is an excellent resource that will empower parents to talk their kids through challenging situations while giving them the autonomy they need to find solutions that work for them.

Angela Fletcher, PsyD

Pediatric psychologist, Children’s National Hospital, Washington, DC

Press Reviews

Library Journal

“Mental health professionals McCarthy, Tedesco, and Weaver present parents with engaging brain science–backed advice for incorporating these values into their family and determining how they will enable children (and parents) to thrive.”

About

About the Book

What's Different

For years our clients have been asking us for a book that didn’t yet exist - one that boils down the best parenting practices, but in a skimmable format closer to a cookbook or travel guide. Refreshingly simple, we are the Wirecutter of parenting books. With 10 condensed, quality parenting guides in one, you can pick and choose the strategies and tips that fit you best, and parent smarter, not harder. So, who are we? We are three mental health professionals—a psychiatrist, a parent psychologist, and a child psychotherapist—whose work focuses on children, parents, and families. Together we have a combined seventy-plus years of experience and have worked with tens of thousands of families in our individual private practices. All three of us are professional child whisperers, coming to the job from three different but complementary lenses.

The 10 Essentials

Every parent wants a kid who can—who can thrive, who can cope, who can stay motivated, adapt, show compassion, be focused. A kid who won’t get stuck in a perfectionist loop or become anxious and avoidant every time something negative happens. And get a good night’s sleep (even more important than you might think).

Using these essentials as a road map of sorts, parents can help kids develop the neurobiological capacity to evolve into happier, healthier humans. Our ten essentials are our top priorities for raising a kid who can, and they are bookended by a quick primer on what's happening in your kid's brain and a playbook for raising a kid in the digital age.

How It Works

Raising a Kid Who Can delivers neuroscience-based advice and easy-to-implement strategies in a way that’s organized for easy skimming and designed to be useful and usable at any stage in a child’s life. Each short, impactful chapter is devoted to one of the ten essentials. And although the ten principles build on each other, each chapter works as a stand-alone reference.

For example, a parent worried about an anxious child can turn directly to “Essential #4: Anxiety” to discover invaluable insights (children want to be understood more than they want to be rescued) and actionable strategies, such as using the Validation Sandwich method to help children function in the face of anxiety. It's a seemingly contradictory but effective method that helps parents validate and express confidence in their kids without solving their anxiety for them. Here's how it works:

Classic:

“Of course, you feel so hurt!” I would, too! You know those kids so well. (validation) I know you’ll figure it out ( confidence ), but man, I feel your pain right now ( validation ).

Advanced:

“Oh man, you are deeply suffering( validation . Who knows when this feeling will pass, but I know you won’t feel like this forever ( confidence ). I am with you, but I sure can’t take the pain away ( implied confidence ) that we are worried they can’t handle some pain in their lives, and ( implied validation ) that we also are NOT minimizing that pain, we know emotional pain is real, and, well, painful.”

Authors

Meet the Authors

Catherine
McCarthy

Catherine McCarthy, MD, is a Duke-trained child and adolescent psychiatrist with nearly 25 years of clinical experience. Named a “Top Doctor” by the Washingtonian magazine for 15 years running, she has appeared on live television news and is a contributor to popular magazines. With her neuroscience expertise in stress, anxiety, and the developing brain, Dr. McCarthy is a nationally recognized keynote speaker and regularly lectures to parents and students in almost every school system, both public and private, throughout the DC metropolitan area.

Heather
Tedesco

Heather Tedesco, PhD, is a licensed Applied Psychologist with a PhD in Social Psychology.  She has a private practice where she works exclusively with parents to help them raise kids who can thrive while making parenting less stressful, more effective, and more enjoyable. Her specialty is simplifying the science into strategies parents can use right away and giving parents clarity and confidence in what to do and how to do it. She is the go-to parenting resource for many leading medical and mental health practitioners and is a sought-after speaker for schools, community organizations, and businesses.

Jennifer

Weaver

Jennifer Weaver, LCSW, has been rated as one of the “Best Child Therapists” in the Washington DC area by Washingtonian magazine. She is the founder of Weaver and Associates, a group psychotherapy practice with 15 highly specialized child and family therapists. Her cutting edge programs have the direct support of colleagues and mentors at the Anna Freud Centre in London, the Yale Child Study Center in New Haven, and McLean Hospital, part of Harvard University in Boston.